Thursday, March 3, 2011

Some facts and fictions about Enda Kenny: Can you guess which are true?

In a few days Enda Kenny will be officially confirmed as the new Taoiseach. Who would have thought a few short years ago that the much mocked and tormented Mayo man would rise to become leader of our nation? To commemorate this moment here are a few facts (and fictions) about Enda. See if you can guess which ones are true. Winner gets a signed blueshirt once worn by Enda at a Duran Duran concert.

1. Enda the Joker: Enda caused a controversy in 2002 when he made a slightly racist joke about an African Freedom Fighter at a press conference. It turned out that some of the mans relations had left Africa and were living in Tallaght. They were not amused.

2. Enda the Musician: Before entering the Dail, Enda had a brief but brilliant career as bass player with Mayo Folk-Rock group, Shamrocked.

3. Enda the Lover: Its a well known fact in the Fine Gael movement that Enda is a keen practitioner of the Karma Sutra. In 1991, he featured in a Sunday World expose on Ireland's horniest politicians.

4. Enda the Hero: Enda once saved a woman from a crashed bus, moments before the bus tilted off a hillside and nosedived into a canyon. Afterwards the heroic Enda offered the victims use of his Garda driver before speeding back to the EndaCave.

5. Enda the Actor: Enda had a small role in the Quite Man movie. He played a blind drunk boy who was trying to push a sheep over a ditch. Critics said he was "unconvincing", and his name was removed from the credits after he tried to trick John Wayne into joining Young Fine Gael.

6. Enda the Music Fan: Enda is a huge fan of the Bangles. He owns all six of their albums. His favourite song is September Gurls which he describes as the "finest pop song of the 20th century." His copy of the single Eternal Flame, signed by Susanna Hoffs, is one of three things he'd bring to a desert island, along with water and a Mayo jersey.

7. Enda the Hippy: Enda went through a hippy faze as a teenager cumulating with a visit to Woodstock. "I was mad into the LSD and free love," he told HotPress in 2001, "I was a proper hippy. I had hair down to me arse and if it wasn't for a chance encounter with Gareth Fitzgerald in a Dublin swingers club, I might never have went square and joined FG!"

8. Enda the Russian: Enda was born in the Soviet Union and worked for the KGB. When he defected to the west, bringing with him secrest about the Russian post service, it was decided that the safest place to stick him was Mayo. He changed his name to Enda Kenny but couldn't keep his communist nose out of local politics. The rest as they say is history.

9. Enda the Twin: Enda has an identical twin called Victor Kenny. Victor works as a lighthouse keeper off the coast of Kerry as it was the only place he could go to escape his brothers fame. Rumours that Fianna Fail have hatched a plan to switch the real Enda with his doppelganger have been rejected by Enda. "No they never switched Enda with me, I mean Victor...ah interview over."

10. Enda the Disco Dancer: Enda likes to disco dance and won second prize at the All Mayo Disco Dancing Championships in 1971. Its widely believed that he plans to disco dance in the White House on St Patricks Day to improve relations with President Obama.

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