Saturday, March 12, 2011

The real titles of our new government ministers

Here are the true titles of the new cabinet as dictated to Paul Kehoe by Enda Kenny last week. For the purpose of political correctness and Labour members feelings, these titles will only be used behind closed doors;

Lord Taoiseach, High Overlord of the land and Emperor of the West: Enda Kenny

Endas Bitch, with duel responsibility for looking after Endas passport and feeding his sheep: Eamon Gilmore

Financial Baron, and high Duke of Crippling Cuts: Michael Noonan

Minister for closing hospitals and degrading the sick: James Rielly

Minister for making sure big farmers continue to vote blue: Simon Coveney

Token Minister who can speak Irish: Jimmy Deenihan

Minister for selling our nations forestries: Pat Rabbitt

Minister for keeping dolers off the live register and on badly run fas courses: Ruairí Quinn

Minister who I need to keep an eye on: Richard Bruton

Minister with responsibility for removing last powers of local authorities: Phil Hogan

Minister for shooting undesirables: Alan Shatter

Minister who we will scapegoat for failing to bring in political reform: Brendan Howlin

Minister for Smugness: Leo Varadkar

Chief whipping boy: Paul Kehoe

Fella we keep around to make the rest of us look bright: Willie Penrose

And we will also give a couple of girls token positions providing they keep their mouths shut and keep the kettle warm.

These are the commands of your high blueness, ENDA.

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